21

Yeah, it's something that I would've never done, but I did. And I am proud of myself for making the decision. It's been a wonderful time since then, along with some thoughts coming up as a reminder to me.

It's now two instead of one. Adaptation is necessary and I think I am still in the progress of such stage. 

I must be good, at least way better than who I am now. Being able to handle different tasks and other situations with confidence and appropriate response. 

I may not be very experienced but I am serious about this and I really hope that this is going to be a forever-journey.

20

Such a forgetful person I am. Looking back at the beginning of September, Geodesy Retreat, numerous meetings with prof and grad students, things learnt and planned to learn... So many things going on and so many things await ahead. What about now? What about today? The first few weeks seemed fine, with relatively few numbers of assignments. As time passed, the situation has gradually changed. I am slowly losing the state of mind I built which is extremely frustrating.

I must find my rhythm back or else even I won't agree that I am qualified for what I plan to attempt.

19

So this is another day not paying attention in class. I couldn't help looking back on my older posts here and falling into the swirl of memories. Along with this song I recently fell in love with, which makes this process more intriguing, "It won't be like this for long".

As for happy events, such as a nice day at school, a happy celebration for a friend's birthday, or simply doing well on a test. It won't be like this for long. Cherish those moments since they are just moments. Soon they will be gone, leaving no trace for us to find or recover. No matter how many pictures you take or how many words you write, they are not coming back and we can only experience them in memories and dreams; Being in a bad mood sucks. Having a heavy load of assignments is as well frustrating. Breaking up with someone, losing a tough tennis match, having a horrible performance on stage...we can only list down too many bad experiences we had. But what for? It feels terrible going through a hard time, however; these are also moments that can easily be gone through time.

This reminds me of the movie I saw a few months ago. Now is Good, starring Dakota Fanning, with this beautiful quote "Life is a series of moments. Let them all go. Moments. All gathering towards this one."

Now is good, now is bad. Now is just a moment that will soon be gone. Cherish them with utmost care, lest they should slip by without being noticed, and be unreachable ever since.

Now. Here. This moment. So many things passing by, along with so many emotions rising and fading. Grabbing this instant to do what I always want to do and to say what I've been wanted to say may be difficult and risky, yet I think I am going to take the chance this time.

18

I haven't been here for quite some time. Yeah, school has started. Assignments and quizzes are all passing through in a tremendously fast rate and I can hardly keep up with the pace of all the deadlines showing up like a series of endless waves. Well, that's that. I guess the only thing I can do is put more effort on those tasks...but this is not what I want to write about today.

It all came in a sudden and I really couldn't help but let it come. One can control his actions but it's almost impossible to control his feelings. When it happens, one can only accept the fact that it is inevitably going have a great influence on him.

It's good. It's bad. It's right. It's wrong. That just doesn't matter at all. I am in the middle of this kinda-delighted yet confusing and frustrating situation. I know it sounds really strange, but I am sure people who are in such conditions can totally relate to this description.

Knowing that writing this down is going to help very little in this circumstance, I still did it in order to remember the feeling right now, since it won't be like this for long. Nothing will.

17

I so wanna go to Hehuan Mt. with all the Guang Wu students and teachers again.
Hopefully I will be able to fulfill this dream this time, and I will try hard for it.

16

It's not easy, and I knew that in the very beginning. Quite some time had been wasted already, and time is really not something I can afford to lose now. Having no idea how difficult it could be in the future, I just hope that I can keep it up and strive to go through all the challenges step by step. There are always some great role models in front of me and they are as well keeping up their pace and effort to the challenges ahead. The only thing I can do to get closer to you is holding on to this notion and try to be better and hopefully one day I will be there. It's a long route, but I think I am on the right track,  having the confidence that I will be able to reach you one day.

15

我有一個香港夢：港大台生的香港觀察

2013-08-20作者：余佩樺

圖片來源：余佩樺提供

在香港，你需要時刻惦記你是什麼人、看出別人是哪裡人，才知道別人會怎麼對待你，你要怎麼待人。

2011年，我進入百年歷史的港大文學院，成為作家張愛玲的學妹。自幼生活在單純的台灣，我冀求瞭解這世界更豐富的樣貌。進入大學前，我有一個香港夢，「香港，是世界都會，我要藉由香港，觸及更廣大的世界，」我篤定地對所有人說。

我期望，在東西交會的社會裡，背景不同的人可以通達無阻地交流；我預期，在這繁華似錦的城市裡，見到文化兼容並蓄的迷人風貌。港大兩年，在課堂中我的確與受人敬重的教授問答思辨，也結識在台灣難以遇見的國際友人，他們來自緬甸邊區、斯里蘭卡、科威特、埃及、希臘，我依舊慶幸到香港讀書。

然而，我也發覺，在香港，你需要時刻惦記你是什麼人、看出別人是哪裡人，才知道別人會怎麼對待你，你要怎麼待人。

校園裡，8成學生是講著粵語的香港本地生，儘管香港的官方語言是中英並行，學校標榜全英文教學的國際化環境，粵語講得不好，很難在課後打入本地學生的生活圈。

很多人都有類似的經驗。在香港，我作為一個旅人，當我尚無法完全掌握當地人使用的粵語，而需要以國語或英語溝通時，就要先做好心理的防備，以抵禦時常接踵而至的輕視和不耐。有幾次在香港店裡遇到服務員，以為我來自大陸內地，在得知我的台灣人身份之後，驟然撇下輕忽的眼神，轉為熱絡的和顏悅色。這強烈的反差讓人疑惑，同樣是人，為何得到迥然不同的對待？

很難體會，在一個多數人都有移民背景的社會裡，為什麼對於後到的外來者，沒法寬容以對？

相較之下，在我因國際交換學生前往的英國愛丁堡，我記憶猶新，街上行人和超市店員，對於一位提著大件行李、英語還說得不太流利的交換生，親切地伸出援手，給予極大的包容和耐心。在愛丁堡大學的社團裡，我和一群英國同學相談甚歡，一直到臨別時，我才得知其中也有幾位瑞典人、波蘭人和立陶宛人。原來，在這裡，因為興趣就可以聚在一起，不需要知道你來自哪裡。

台灣人總是羨慕香港的富裕，但我在香港第一次隨港大志工隊探訪住在公屋（公共住宅）的長者，卻令我難以想像。

在30層樓的老舊公寓裡，每層樓住著近10戶人家。昏暗的迴廊上，一道簡陋的柵欄就是一個家庭的大門，門外的灰塵可以透過柵欄下的縫隙進入屋內。   僅容側身的空間，住著一位老婆婆和她的照顧者。

婆婆患喘哮病，走動時需要機器協助呼吸，沒錢租輕便的機器，她已經很多年沒下樓散步了。婆婆認為低樓層空氣不好，希望按照醫生建議換到更高的樓層，但是分配公屋的委員會並未批准，因為還有更多人在排隊等待住進公屋。

乘巴士離開之前，我回頭環顧這座山丘，矗立了20～30棟相同的建築。一根根生鏽的曬衣架從狹小的公寓中伸出窗外，凌亂地掛著褪色的衣物。整個香港特別行政區，還有無數山丘，蓋滿了同樣的公屋。

香港人口700萬，只能擠在台北市大小的可居住地，公屋，是港府致力讓所有人都有地方住的福利政策。香港，是大批大批的大陸移民客，所欣羨的福利城市。但，想起因為病痛無法下樓的婆婆、那些活在摩天大樓陰影下的人，我不禁懷疑，在一個人口快速膨脹的小地方，維持一個幸福城邦，是否真的可行？

from http://www.cw.com.tw/article/article.action?id=5051535&page=1

14

13

學分綁學生 台灣高教輸在國際觀

聯合報／記者郭錦萍／台北—瑞典連線報導

現任瑞典林雪平大學榮譽教授、我行政院科技顧問趙光安。 圖／成大能源科技與策略研究中心提供

「更適合台灣參考的，不是大國作法，而是歐洲二、三千萬人口以下的小國制度。」瑞典皇家科學院院士趙光安說著他對台灣教育的憂心。專長物理、主持歐盟十數個跨領域科研案的趙光安，現任瑞典林雪平大學榮譽教授，也是我行政院科技顧問，對國內科技及教育發展知之甚詳。他表示，台灣大學很多老師在美國讀博士時做什麼研究，回台後繼續同樣的研究、教學內容就是當年讀的學門，但這作法對嗎？
小國模式 人才在精不在多
趙光安說了個故事。十多年前，他參加國科會諮詢會議時被問到：「台灣的研究領域數目和美國一樣多，但人力是美國十分之一，研究資源是美國卅分之一。請問台灣如何與美國競爭？」
他的答案是：「台灣應按自己的想法發展方向，選卅分之一的研究領域，每個領域投入的資源和美國投入的相同，而投入的人力是美國投入的三倍」，這是歐洲小國和美國大國競爭的模式。
他表示，早年台灣產業發展就用過這種模式（譬如一九七四年孫運璿和李國鼎選定半導體，做為國家產業重點）。一九九六年實行教改前，臺灣除了台大外，其他各校皆各有特色，都是教研並重。今天台灣教研領導人，在學大國作法時，可否再思考一下歐洲的「小國自強」模式？
重點發展 誰說非要進百大
在北歐教學多年的趙光安解釋，包括瑞士、瑞典、芬蘭、挪威等人口和台灣相近的「小國」，是依國力和國家發展方向選定重點發展的領域。每一個領域只配屬給二、三所大學，每所大學都可以用整合重點領域的方法建立自己的特色。同時，政府也用經費分配誘導有共同重點領域的二、三所大學跨校合作。
五月公布的世界經濟體競爭力排行榜，瑞士第二名、瑞典和挪威也都擠入前十。趙光安表示，這些國家沒幾所大學，也不在乎是否進入世界百大排名，但大學都很清楚自己的任務，就是提供國家所需的人才。
趙光安指出，教育的主體是學生，可是他看到台灣卻完全相反；系所間門戶之見極深，用大量必修課把學生綁成系所財產，常把專業選修課也訂成必修課，甚至提高必修學分，學生幾乎無法選外系的課；不能擴展知識面，如何談跨領域學習、如何因應未來社會的需求？
五千教授 孵一半菁英就好
「用心找、早培養，才可能有源源不絕的人才。」趙光安表示，台灣應集中資源，讓五千個頂尖教授，每人每兩年收一個博士生盡心培養，如此每年產出的二千五百個博士一定是極優秀的，這是歐洲的人才培育模式。
「我在北歐任職講座教授，卅五年只培養了十七個博士。但台灣現在一年產出四、五千個博士，半數找不到工作。」趙光安說，瑞典僅九間大學，每年博士生產出比例比台灣少很多，為留住辛苦栽培的人才，博士生在瑞典是高薪的職業。
「台灣現在就能做的，是五年內把每年收的博士生，減到二千五百人。」他說，台灣的優質研究成果，大多數是出自十一所頂尖大學的專任教師（約九千人），教育部只要修改頂大計畫就能完成這項革新。
近幾年許多企業表示找不到人才，指責大學教育和產業脫節，政府高層有人即主張，要送台灣優秀學生到海外培養。趙光安說，這個主張等於承認台灣頂尖大學的教育方式不能培養人才。問題是：為什麼台灣不把改進研究生教育列為優先的工作，反而急著把人才往外送？而且就算外送的學生有成就以後願意回台灣，也是廿年以後的事。教改已經把台灣的頂尖人才培育拖累了將近廿年，台灣還能再等廿年嗎？
人物側寫／趙光安
　　　　　歐洲學術泰斗 主持百億計畫
趙光安出生於四川，八歲時舉家由上海遷到高雄，現為瑞典籍。台大物理系畢業，赴美拿到固態物理博士，曾在IBM Watson研究中心工作，一九七一年底被當時的諾貝爾獎委員會主席Lundqvist延攬到瑞典，之後和多位物理大師合作學習。
當年他由巴西回瑞典後，開始參與瑞典的科技策略規劃。一九八○年代中期，北歐五國（瑞典、丹麥、挪威、芬蘭、冰島）開始推動聯合科技研發計畫，趙光安不但參與規劃，並主持這項計畫長達十六年。
同一時期，歐盟也開始推動跨國研究計畫，目的是提高歐盟科技競爭力以對抗美、日，過去十年趙光安即督導其中十個跨領域的長程研發計畫，目前他還是另兩個歐盟整合計畫的「專家評鑑員」，這些計畫的經費總計近百億元台幣。
趙光安在歐洲學術地位崇高，但仍持續關注台灣教育、科技及產業狀況，不但學術界和產業經常請益，他目前也是行政院的科技顧問。
【2013/08/26】

as a reminder

from: http://vision.udn.com/storypage.jsp?f_ART_ID=1060

12

I guess it's the end of something, and I have to let go of my emotions and move on. So I've decided to leave them here.

I still remember vividly the day I got the message from Dennis Chen saying "no.5, not bad! Treat us something nice?"  Well, it's been two years now, and I am in the middle of my college life, with only two years left. Looking back, I have to say that I've achieve several things, but not quite enough to meet my expectation. Getting into the school tennis team is something that I didn't see coming, but I really have to put more effort into it and hopefully to improve my skill into another level. Not applying for an exchange program is a really hard decision to make, and I still think I should've given it a try every now and then. However, I know that I have something else to do which is even more challenging, and there's only that much time left. Schoolwork has been......not satisfying. I really think it's time to find the rhythm and show them and myself that I am capable of managing those work nicely, or getting into a graduate school in the US, Canada or Europe will just be another meaningless daydream which is never going to be fulfilled.

It may sound a bit cliche, but seeing you all doing well in various fields and different places in the world really helps me settle my mind and recharge myself for the challenges in the future semester. Spending time chatting and gossiping around with you all is truly happy and I couldn't help imagining what our future will be like. It's not just a fun time but a precious piece of memory which for sure will last a long time. 

Oops, that's too much time spent on memories and thoughts related. I'm gonna have to go back to loads of documents about an earthquake in 2006 near Pingtung and try to understand the environment there and the tectonics of the fault. It may sound interesting to you, but trust me, it's bloody difficult.

11

歡樂羽球團的早晨，精疲力竭但十分充實，好久不見的一起打球。
雖然我們都變了，大家臨時起意依然可以再相聚。下午幾通電話聯絡，三台車，近十人的麥當勞聚會在竹北不畏颱風大雨，真的很高興看見班遊時無法出現的妳你你，還有妳。還真是有點難以想像國中時的我們，現在已經是開車參加同學會了XD。雖然我仍是被嚴加看管專業採訪的幾個人之一，但若是真的要找一群人讓我傾訴，我想依然會是你們，'cause I trust you guys, I really do. 或許時間會改變很多東西，讓許多細節被淡忘，我們依然有很多方式能記錄每個當下，在二十年後的某間麥當勞裡，笑談這些美麗時光。

10

再次相聚，每個人的笑容裡多了故事，故事讓我們都變得有些不一樣，但依然有著熟悉的親切，一句招牌口頭禪、一個只有我們懂的笑話......念舊或許無法帶我向前，但過去是這樣美好，為什麼要拚命往前？我們都在和時間賽跑，沒有選擇。但是面對這場毫無勝算的競賽，有時候我真的只想停下來看看周遭的世界，回想以前的故事。班遊的這二天，時間的腳步依舊，但其中多了過去的熟悉感，讓我真心盼望有些東西能永遠，特別是當生活中有太多我們無法控制的變化在發生，每天每天。陷入回憶是珍貴的，因為我永遠無法知道現在腦海中浮現的記憶畫面是否會是在下一秒隨著時間被沖淡而消失的小小遺憾。昨夜在民宿的真心話聊天，有一天也會像似乎再也約不成的歡樂羽球團吧？每個人都在寫他們的故事。這樣的情景是好事，可是我說服不了心裡那空空的失落感。只能不斷告訴自己，我要用力記得每一天。

9

Just finished the book "The Defining Decade -- Why your twenties matter and how to make the most of them now".

Lots of thoughts in my mind and I think it's going to take a while for me to sort things out.

I once though that having a few close friends is more important than making many friends, but it turns out that having abundant weak ties is quite important as well. I once believed that meeting the right girl and getting married is something you can't plan ahead, but after reading some cases that the author had in her therapy sessions, I think otherwise.

I had never thought about things too far away in the future, but those things aren't actually distant. Go to graduate school, get a job and start my career, travel a lot, meet someone and get married......these are all probably going to (or should) happen in ten years. Shockingly surprised, I suddenly realized that my twenties are not something I can waste at all.

Getting a job sounds like something in the future, but it's not. The time I spent in NLSC as an intern serves as an alarm, showing me that there are still so many things for me to learn before I am ready. I am twenty, and I am certainly not a high school kid any more. "Identity crisis may still bothers you, but getting yourself some identity credits is something you should start thinking about." Twenties are like being in the shadow of a huge tree. People enjoy staying in the shadow and do whatever they like, not caring about the time. As the sun goes, the shadow moves away so quickly that we suddenly are exposed to the sunlight, and the real world outside. Getting ready, in all possible ways, is what people have to start planning for in their twenties.

Seldom do I think about life after my twenties. What would that be? How will my thirties, or even forties, look like? When contemplating these questions, I have this total blank in my mind which terrifies me a lot. So that’s the problem here. I don’t see or plan things after my twenties. I have this notion in my mind that my twenties should be full of adventures and fun memories. After that, there’s nothing. No scenario, no thought, no nothing. Some say being too goal-oriented may not be good, but how can I find the motivation I need or the direction I want to set foot on if I can’t picture my life by the end of my twenties? 

We always want a happy ending. Endings like those we’ve read in the novels. But happy endings don't just show up when the time comes. Preparation is needed. You must be more future-oriented. You can't write your life story from the last sentence to the beginning. Maybe you can when writing a novel, but that’s not how things work in real life.

Being a dreamer is a teenager thing. But in our twenties, it’s time to be a go-getter.

Time to draw my own unique picture in my mind.

8

Ever since I came back from Iceland, I drink.
Wait, not like "a lot", you know, it's just that I won't be drunk or feeling dizzy after merely a glass of beer. Although I nearly passed out in a beautiful bar in Reykjavik after finishing the third glass of beer that night, I started to enjoy the refreshing taste of this golden-color drink. Big thanks to Damian and Gabor for saving me when I almost fell down unconsciously in the English Bar, we should meet sometime again in...I don't know, Taiwan? XD

Anyway, this summer has been a little bit boring so far. I often think about the wonderful three weeks I spent in Seltun and Reykjavik or the adventure in Nepal, or the trip two years ago with my family to the east coast of the US. More often, you will see me spending time reading articles on backpackers.com.tw . It's not that I don't like Taiwan. Actually, after those experiences I've had in different places in the world, I'm starting to love this flourishing small island more and more as time goes on. The streets, the people, the food, the cities and mountains...there is so much to offer in this country! 

It's just that...I feel like something is missing in my life recently. I wake up. I go to work. I eat. I go home. Although this is just an internship which lasts only one month, how would I know if my jobs in the future will be more interesting? Or this is it? This is the ultimate look of my life?

This scares me so much. Shouldn't I be seeing opportunities and potential when I think of the future? I am only twenty and they say twenties should be the most influential decade in one's life. But when I look at those who are currently in their twenties, I don't see the shimmering lights in their eyes. I see people starting to work in the government or companies just like our parents. This frightens me. So this is my life for the next 30 years? I know I might be exaggerating my worries a little bit, but this feeling is real, and the reality is gradually taking control of my life.

So when I feel like running away to some remote places for some time, it is not the place I live that I want to distance myself from. It is the frustration of reality that I want to get rid of. When traveling, I can finally take full control of myself. I walk with my own feet. I decide what I want to do and where I want to go every day. New things happen everywhere. Meeting people in hostels is even more intriguing. It is one of the several places where you get to see the shimmering lights in everyone's eyes. The optimistic atmosphere is why I always enjoy my time chatting with travelers worldwide.

But it is not what's happening at the moment. I am sitting in the office and people are working on land surveying issues from 8 to 17 daily. All I can do now is check flight tickets on Skyscanner and read through reviews on Lonely Planet and imagine what my next adventure would be like.

7

前幾天，因為一位記者想要訪問一些關於探索課程的感想及回顧，我回到了光武。
印象中我一直是三不五時會在校園中閒晃的小孩，沒想到走進校門的剎那，卻是好久不見的似曾相識。綜合大樓前的小圓桌，實驗室樓下的幾輛單車，有些東西，有些記憶，真的開始像是上了一層微微模糊的漆。記憶中的事物仍在它原先的位置，漆上的色彩卻似一種不情願的陌生。陌生或許是互相的，但不情願是我自己的，而我也不再是那個常常在校園中閒晃的小孩了。

訪問的內容雖然已經是五年前的那場冒險，曾經數次分享的經驗讓我仍還算流暢的完成了訪問。訪問的時間其實比預期的短上不少，但我也清楚知道，再詳細的記錄仍比不上親身體會的深刻。而真正讓我難忘的，是與主任的談話。

記憶中，上一次「成群結隊」走進總務處找「熊」的場景已是多年前。坐在只有我一人的沙發上，與主任討論著大學的生活和未來的規劃，話題同時也圍繞在310的同學之間。他交了女朋友，她要去哪裡交換，他要登向哪座高山......依然看得見每位同學的個性在一件件事蹟中的熟悉感讓人不禁會心一笑，同時又在心中驚嘆自FB1之後，每個人的轉變與成長。有些人正準備大步走向世界，有些人則剛從世界走回台灣。無論駐足何處，又將走向何方，想像著背後一個個精彩的故事，那是一種很大的鼓舞，一個無形的力量，能推著你繼續向前。

離開前，在綜合大樓的轉角遇見幾位學弟妹在製做FB3.5的旗幟，主任向他們介紹：「這是你們FB1的學長...」
腦中靈光一閃，我順著接口：「白雪公主」
大家都笑了。
誰知道，我還曾經一度非常討厭這綽號呢！

6

ask questions
be ridiculous
fall forward

5

每當to-do-list佔滿3.7吋的小小螢幕，

Deadlines接踵而至，

就會很懷念那種一個背包之外，沒有其他牽絆的生活。

單純很多，也快樂很多。

但我知道不論背包是65L, 80L, 還是100L，

關上拉鍊，還是有著太多裝不進去卻也放不下，忘不了的故事。

旅程會結束，我還是會回來。

所以兩邊都要好好面對，缺一不可。

April, 10, 2013

4

西邊的海面上，遠離的壞天氣在世界盡頭留下一道黑色線條，這會兒天氣暖和了，高掛的寛闊天空像一層藍色薄膜，籠罩住整個空間，沒有人知道薄膜的後面有什麼東西。
有時候在夜裡，我會躺著看窗外的天空，努力想要看穿這片天，想知道天空的後方究竟有什麼樣的世界，但我在教室裡得到的知識全派不上用場，一切都化成了小碎片。

March, 10, 2013

3

路中央，白色的、黃色的，還有路邊那紅色的線，長長地交會在看不見的盡頭
黃色的、紅色的燈光閃爍，模糊的像一幅抽象畫
還有上方灑下的白色光線在傍晚的昏暗中安靜地延伸著每條道路
四輪的、雙輪的冰冷呼嘯而過
我追不上也無意追趕，只是飄蕩空氣中那廢氣使我不禁屏住呼吸，快喘不過氣
望著漸漸消失暗去的光點
繼續踩著踏板，用自己的速度往自己的方向，期待一個合適的節奏，一起創造一段旋律。

Feb,22,2013

2

回到台南，又是一個快速地切換，昨日遊蕩的台北已如夢境。宿舍漸漸回到一扇扇門後都亮著燈光的走道。我關上門，試著適應這改變。房間外來來回回的腳步聲是無形的壓力堆疊，更多的人，更多的對話，更多的焦慮不安一層層襲來。該步上軌道了。什麼軌道？究竟是新的開始，或是再一次的一成不變？我看見，新的事物在往常一樣的方框內排列組合。

走出宿舍，一雙新的鞋子踩踏著一樣的舊踏板。有什麼會改變？有什麼需要改變？車輪滑向小東路，換檔，加速。

最後，我還是走進Subway，點了一個六吋的鮪魚堡，家鄉麵包，蕃茄多一點，要加橄欖跟辣椒，再單點一片白巧克力餅乾。

21:03 subwayintainan

Feb,16,2013

1

我將外套的拉鍊拉到最高，入夜的新竹吹起了冷冽的風，細雨隨風飄在微寒的街道，那是告別的舞步。車站內的人潮一如每個假期結束前的心情，像車廂內行李架上的滿滿行囊，有些沈重，卻又是載滿的小小期待。是結束，也是開始。

我在手機上建立了一個新的列表，播放此刻的微妙感受。

星空、情歌、怎麼說呢、告訴我、時空膠囊、The Best Day, Begin Again 

19:40, car8 no.34

Feb,15,2013